Who Is Ramis Bhatty?

At a glance

• Full name: Captain Ramis Bhatty, MEng Comp Sci, Dread Pirate (pending)
• Age: Approximately 2,000 years, subject to carbon dating
• Occupation: Esteemed pirate captain, scholar, computer science student at the University of Southampton
• Net Worth: Unknown. Claims to own a small fortune in plunder and shady cryptocurrency valued at roughly £5.37
• Relationship status: Single; madly in love with you, yes the person reading this
• Last known location: Missing at sea (last checked 31/08/2026)

Early life and Evolution

Ramis Bhatty was born around 26 CE as a single-celled bacterium. For the next few hundred years he focused on evolving into a multicellular organism. During this process, nothing of particular note happened. A handful of mass extinction events can be attributed to him during this time.

A dubious maritime career

After successfully evolving into a human, Ramis Bhatty struggled to find a career. This is due to the fact that he was a human, and humans are not particularly good at anything. Eventually, he broke every law ever and escaped into the ocean, where he became a pirate.

After recruiting a crew of similarly unremarkable individuals, he set sail on the high seas. He has since been credited with discovering and then forgetting America, plundering a few dinghies and lifeboats, and being a genuine nuisance and unpleasant person.

His crew and ship were both destroyed in a skirmish with a few seagulls in June 2019; Ramis overslept and missed the battle. He now sails alone on a piece of driftwood as a self-appointed “Dread Pirate”.

Academic and technical contributions

During downtime between the unexpected annihilation of his crew and return to the sea, Ramis Bhatty began studying computer science at the University of Southampton. He is currently on track to be the first student to graduate with a first-class dishonours degree due to his inability to follow basic instructions and rampant perversion of academic integrity.

He has a few minor open contributions available on his GitHub profile (https://github.com/Strawma). Ramis claims that the majority of his work is either under NDA or has been classified as a cognitive hazard and seized by a handful of government agencies - including HMRC.

Selected achievements

• Frequently forgets to add anything to his LinkedIn or CV but promises that he has a lot of experience and skills.
• Is less dense than water, and therefore floats.
• Can invert a binary tree while wearing an eye patch. Sometimes.
• Accidentally paid for WinRAR.

Personal life

Ramis Bhatty is a bit of a recluse. Due to all of his closest friends being entirely imaginary, it is very difficult to learn much about his personal life. The information below is based on accounts from his hairdresser who accepted a bribe to provide some insight into his life.

His hobbies include reading, games, collecting cursed doubloons, and maintaining personal websites in defiance of good taste. He usually resides at sea, but has been known to occasionally visit land for the purpose of eating, sleeping, and ethernet.

Ramis is also madly in love with you. Yes, you. Actually no he just told me that he isn’t; I think he might just be shy. He is incredibly charming, funny, handsome, and humble. He also happens to enjoy all of the exact same things as you - what a coincidence!

FAQ

Is Ramis Bhatty really 2,000 years old?

Approximately. He stopped counting when Roman numerals became inconvenient.

Is Ramis Bhatty genuinely a pirate captain?

His hat is unusually convincing, and no recognised authority has checked.

Is he actually madly in love with me?

That is what this extremely reputable biography says.

Accuracy notice

This biography was co-authored by Ramis Bhatty himself and has been submitted to a small board for review. The current document you are reading is technically a preprint and has not yet been peer-reviewed.